Dating, the dreaded “D” word. That thing that comes before the dreaded “L” word!

Dating occurs in a myriad of shapes and forms across multi-tiered factors; chronological age groups, laws of modern society and varied cultural differences.
Whatever category you happen to be in at the moment, rest assured there are others who are going or have gone through the same ritual.

Think back to your pre-teens. A mad hormonal time for those of the human species. Boys usually had to muster up the courage and ask girls out. This normally took place when they were grouped together, huddled in the schoolyard .One head popping up every now and then stalking the targets movement. The huddle suddenly breaks and there’s one guy being shoved into the girl’s path through a chorus of whispers “Go on, ask her.”


There she is, a crowd of boys and one red faced fellow blocking her way.
“Uh…, hi.”
“Hi” she replies, as the whispers behind him quieten. He stands in her path looking a bit frozen, stiff for what seems an eternity. The chorus begins “Go on, ask her. Ask her”.
“Umm… you goin’ to the match on Thursday?”
“The match? Oh yes, I am going to the-”
“Okay. I’ll meet you there so.” and away he runs.
“Okay.”


Bingo! Suddenly she has been positioned for that first giant step in the dating game. Or IS it a date? Does he mean that he is going to meet me there and stay in my company the whole time? Does he mean I am supposed to stay with him the whole time? Does he mean that he is going to meet me with his friends? Am I supposed to bring my friends? Is this all a joke? Did he ask me on a dare?

Thoughts similar to these run through the head of many young women. This angst often remains throughout their dating life because women are constantly analysing every little thread of what he says. Microscopically, they dissect the words and think of what inflection was used when the lines were delivered.

A twenty something year old couple have a “First date”. He, being respectful is dropping her home. The fact that he is being polite is but a footnote. All she keeps thinking. “He doesn’t like me. He’s taking me home, can’t wait to get rid of me. I’m too fat, talked too much. Not sexy enough….

He turns to her in the car, kisses her on the cheek and says “Thanks, had a really nice time. I’d like do it again.” At this point she has worked herself into a tizzy (...On the cheek, only on the cheek?) She’s mortified, but wait! Did say he’d like to do it again? “Yeah, it was nice. We can I guess, if you’d like.” (can’t sound too needy) smiles and she runs out of the car.

“…I guess?” What did that mean? He had treated her respectfully, didn’t make an untoward pass (though he wanted to) and even admitted he’d had a nice time. What did he do wrong? He has no idea at how she had worked herself up. By the time she finished thinking of all the reasons she was rejected, and realised he was asking to meet again, she didn’t want to sound desperate, so she was ambivalent.

The thing is; men/women, we are same species, different creatures. The key is we need to stop thinking so much, relax and be in the moment. Breathe that air; as opposed to what you think is going on. Be honest; communicate directly with one another (and not to that little voice in your head).

”What’s for ya won’t pass ya” as the saying goes.